Compassionate Friends

This morning a friend sent me an article from the Jan/Feb issue of the Compassionate Friends Newsletter.  The article echoed their feelings about going through the loss of a sibling.  As I read the article, one line jumped out,

“Many feelings, thoughts or emotions that I may have thought were just mine I have found are universal with others.”

Just recently I was also reading Agnes's Jacket and came across a similar sentiment.  In Chapter One we hear about a lady named Helen who unfortunately started hearing voices and who's life spiraled down into hospitalization.. Fortunately she was told about the Hearing Voices Network (HVN) and, equally fortuitous, a group was just starting in a nearby day centre.  When Helen learned the group was one of 150 voice support groups in Britain, she said,

" I thought I'd faint.  I had no idea there were so many other people struggling with the same problem as I was."

Over three thousand years ago, the Epic of Gilgamesh described characters in a human drama.  The "Epic" notion aside, if we look around today, I don’t believe we’d see anyone with vastly different loves, hopes or fears than the people in the story.  I think if we read enough about other people or talk enough to others we’ll find humans are still pretty basic even today. 

The sense that I am not like someone else is a double edged sword with neither edge serving us well.  Either I look down on someone thinking I’m not like them or I look up at others feeling like I‘m not like them.  Either way I create an imaginary barrier between my humanity and other people’s humanity.  That’s the sting of stigma - the feeling of isolation it brings.

If you feel like you’re the only one in the world who is feeling the way you do – it’s not true.  It simply is not reality.  Look around on the internet, read about other people or, if you can, talk to people.  Someone somewhere knows what you’re talking about and feels compassion because they have had that pain.  Don’t give up.

A World of Grey

I often think things like, “Today was a good day” or “He’s  an idiot” or “I can’t play guitar.”  Black and white statements.  What about Mental Health?  If I say someone has mental health issues , it’s kind of like flicking a switch or checking a box.  Suddenly I put them in a group with all the other people I think have mental issues.  Wow, not much grace in that is there?  No effort to separate those clinically diagnosed from those feeling a little down.  Nope, let’s just put them all in the same box labeled “contains nuts”.

When  I look at myself and those around me I see something different.  Most people I know, myself included, engage in some behaviours that reflect an unhealthy mental health habit.  We may not have habits severely interfering with our lives but they’re certainly not helping us.  If I really took a look at any given day I’d be hard pressed to say that everything went well or poorly.  More often than not if something goes bad early in the morning, I know I can dwell on that and it casts a shadow over the rest of the day.  When I honestly look at anyone I’m having trouble with, it would be a stretch to say that everything they do is stupid or mean.  More often than not I can stew in the bad feeling and that will be the filter I see the rest of their behaviour through…until I get over it. Not really helpful

On a website I saw recently there is a statistic quoted, “one in three people will experience a Mental Health problem in their lifetime”.   At first blush this seems to me a ridiculous number.  My suspicion is the quote came from a questionnaire that had a very broad definition of mental health problems.  Maybe that’s the heart of the matter though:  we can’t talk about Mental Health unless we first acknowledge that it’s one of the balancing acts in all of our lives.  There is a quote “to not forgive is to burn the bridge we ourselves must walk”.  I believe part of the problem with stigma is thinking we are not “tainted” with the issue.  When we don’t see Mental Health as something everyone manages, we crucify ourselves in advance when our lives don’t work out like we hoped or planned.   Mental Health is not a taint,  it's part of being human.

A while ago I tried to print a picture in strictly black and white and the image was barely recognizable.  I tried again using greyscale and the result was far more accurate.

I still can't play guitar though.

I don't know Jack

So I'm meandering around the web last week and I go to the Mental Health Commission website.  My eye caught the article and video for the Jack Project.  This is an idea started in response to a family loosing their son Jack to suicide.  Have I met Jack? No, I don't know anything about him. I watched the video and my gut reaction was, "this is wonderful".  I know it might sound odd to feel that about this kind of project because I know what initiated the idea was a tragedy.

In a popular piece of writing called the Desiderata there is a line,

"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in  sudden misfortune". 

I've always liked that part because I sense an old wisdom in it: tragedy, in some form, is inevitable.  The challenge is in how we respond to it. The last lines of the Desiderata are,

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."

The families who start things like the Jack Project and ImagineTeam are among the many in the world who experience a tremendous personal loss.  Part of their response however is to embrace life and to reach out to others.  Okay so maybe I don't know Jack but if that's not beautiful I don't know what is.